I’m not sure if I’m lazy or impatient (probably both) because I always need a good, punchy introduction to a story, one which immediately captures my interest and attention; which intrigues and invites me to find out more about a story - and in this case about the long, hot summer - and your excellent introduction succeeded in drawing me straight in. Plus it had the added allure of an image of sultry heat combined with Bodie - perfect! And I loved the intimate angle of both stories with each character voicing their thoughts about the other.
It had been a long, hot summer. The hottest I'd known for a couple of years, which would have been back in 1976. Almost hot enough for the councils to get their standpipes back out.
You’ve got some lovely lines here, very perceptive and written in an interesting, original way. Not sure of the word I'm looking for but I really like the pattern (or maybe even beat) of the sentences and the way Bodie seems to be talking or debating with himself - it's sweet.
The poet John Donne once said "No man is an island", but he was completely wrong. I was an island. An island called Bodie, and no one was allowed on .............
So if she can see when I'm in pain, she'll definitely see when I'm in love, because that's infinitely more painful, you know.
And I absolutely loved your Bodie: big, bad and terrified! (what comes first, the exclamation mark or the semi-colon?):
So much power to hurt; to soothe; to keep safe. I've never been scared before either but I am now.
That's my Bodie and that’s exactly how I think he *would* react!
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It had been a long, hot summer. The hottest I'd known for a couple of years, which would have been back in 1976. Almost hot enough for the councils to get their standpipes back out.
You’ve got some lovely lines here, very perceptive and written in an interesting, original way. Not sure of the word I'm looking for but I really like the pattern (or maybe even beat) of the sentences and the way Bodie seems to be talking or debating with himself - it's sweet.
The poet John Donne once said "No man is an island", but he was completely wrong. I was an island. An island called Bodie, and no one was allowed on .............
So if she can see when I'm in pain, she'll definitely see when I'm in love, because that's infinitely more painful, you know.
And I absolutely loved your Bodie: big, bad and terrified! (what comes first, the exclamation mark or the semi-colon?):
So much power to hurt; to soothe; to keep safe. I've never been scared before either but I am now.
That's my Bodie and that’s exactly how I think he *would* react!
Thanks so much for sharing your writing.