Ahhhh!! Lol! I was cracking up before, but when I got to this line:

“I’m not going near that bloody thing, it’ll bite me. When was the last time you washed it?”

I knew you were playing with our assumptions, but that one's hilarious regardless of whether you know you're reading about the throw, or you're still envisioning something more, er, personal of Bodie's. ;-)

Thank you!