Sloth has clearly been a feature of my life here because somehow I missed this one and had to come looking for it after you mentioned it in the LJ entry on beta-ing and Brit-checking today. So I obviously hadn't commented either! I liked the gradual teasing out in this so much - when it starts, you tease us with the thought that our boys are just in bed together and then slowly reveal how dire their circumstances are. "Don't die, Ray. Please don't die." - hey, aren't we all thinking that desperately! The play on words with tenses in the title and at the end is very neat and appeals to all those of us who have ever struggled with Latin or old fashioned English Grammar - clever! Very skilfully done and one I have added to my collection for re-reading! (Hope that's OK). As usual, your English feel is very good - just one tiny non-Brit word, if you don't mind me mentioning it (see, I've started Brit-checking before anyone's even asked me!) and that is "gurney". We'd never use that word here. We use trolley for a wheeled device but at that time and in these circumstances (and especially to get Doyle out of a cellar) what would have been used is a stretcher. Hope you don't mind me mentioning that! Great writing as usual!
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2007-08-03 11:41 pm (UTC)I liked the gradual teasing out in this so much - when it starts, you tease us with the thought that our boys are just in bed together and then slowly reveal how dire their circumstances are.
"Don't die, Ray. Please don't die." - hey, aren't we all thinking that desperately!
The play on words with tenses in the title and at the end is very neat and appeals to all those of us who have ever struggled with Latin or old fashioned English Grammar - clever!
Very skilfully done and one I have added to my collection for re-reading! (Hope that's OK).
As usual, your English feel is very good - just one tiny non-Brit word, if you don't mind me mentioning it (see, I've started Brit-checking before anyone's even asked me!) and that is "gurney". We'd never use that word here. We use trolley for a wheeled device but at that time and in these circumstances (and especially to get Doyle out of a cellar) what would have been used is a stretcher. Hope you don't mind me mentioning that! Great writing as usual!