Really enjoyed this story for so many reasons and I'll list them, if that's OK:
As in all your stories, I love the clever way you use and manipulate words and phrases often taking them out of their usual context, like so:
In a whisper of footsteps and,
He frowned, and picked up the handset to call Cowley – instant cold water – and was patched through almost immediately
Other great lines:
"Scouser with the fascist hairdo?
"'Help, help, I'm being oppressed!'" Bodie responded instantly, and then he looked up sharply and grinned suddenly, all the way to his eyes. They'd seen that movie together.
And I loved the way you intrigued the reader with the state of their relationship – at first I wondered *what* it was and then, *where* it was going.... I liked the way you just gave out a few titbits of information at a time - I want to be kept guessing, not to have everything revealed at once. Love the tease of just two words: 'first time' - making me instantly sit up and think 'aha, so it's like that is it?' but still not certain *what* it's actually like - how could I be when Doyle doesn't know either?
His breath was soft too, quiet and even. He'd been like this that first time. No front, just… Bodie
Doyle had felt the electricity between them as soon as they met. It was there in every move they made, every glance they shared. And the way they knew, just knew what the other was thinking. It hadn't taken them two weeks to become the perfect team. Suddenly the world was more real, he was more alive – they were more alive. And as usual, just as he always did – see it, want it, have it. So he had.
Beautiful writing, against the beautiful background of the longest night, Stonehenge, the Solstice - very atmospheric.
And my poor old computer screen almost received yet another spray of projectiled coffee when I read this line:
"Bodie, why are your toenails painted red?"
Really enjoyed this, Slanted, thanks so much for sharing it.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2006-12-22 04:09 pm (UTC)As in all your stories, I love the clever way you use and manipulate words and phrases often taking them out of their usual context, like so:
In a whisper of footsteps and,
He frowned, and picked up the handset to call Cowley – instant cold water – and was patched through almost immediately
Other great lines:
"Scouser with the fascist hairdo?
"'Help, help, I'm being oppressed!'" Bodie responded instantly, and then he looked up sharply and grinned suddenly, all the way to his eyes. They'd seen that movie together.
And I loved the way you intrigued the reader with the state of their relationship – at first I wondered *what* it was and then, *where* it was going.... I liked the way you just gave out a few titbits of information at a time - I want to be kept guessing, not to have everything revealed at once. Love the tease of just two words: 'first time' - making me instantly sit up and think 'aha, so it's like that is it?' but still not certain *what* it's actually like - how could I be when Doyle doesn't know either?
His breath was soft too, quiet and even. He'd been like this that first time. No front, just… Bodie
Doyle had felt the electricity between them as soon as they met. It was there in every move they made, every glance they shared. And the way they knew, just knew what the other was thinking. It hadn't taken them two weeks to become the perfect team. Suddenly the world was more real, he was more alive – they were more alive. And as usual, just as he always did – see it, want it, have it. So he had.
Beautiful writing, against the beautiful background of the longest night, Stonehenge, the Solstice - very atmospheric.
And my poor old computer screen almost received yet another spray of projectiled coffee when I read this line:
"Bodie, why are your toenails painted red?"
Really enjoyed this, Slanted, thanks so much for sharing it.