Discovered When You See This: Saturday
Sep. 24th, 2011 07:49 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
maddalia.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
discoveredinaljHere it is! My prompt was "Saturday," and I immediately thought of Doyle loving his weekends off, so here is a coda to Fall Girl! It didn't have to end up as slash ... but it is. *g*
Friday afternoon had been full of promise. Saturday had ruined it all. Sunday had been an unmitigated disaster. Marrikka dead – Bodie devastated – and a partnership in tatters after Bodie seemed to blame Ray for the whole thing. He felt betrayed by everyone, including the man he was meant to trust with his life. The worst thing was, it wasn’t true.
Hurting more than he’d have cared to admit, Ray left Bodie alone with his grief that night. He lay awake, reliving the circumstances of the case: his own part in it, and Bodie’s. He knew it wasn’t his fault. But he kept seeing Bodie’s face in his head, the expression in his eyes as he’d tossed Ray the gun – the hurt and betrayal he so obviously felt. What made it even more horrible was the fact that they’d had the weekend off. Ray had been looking forward to it so much. If Bodie hadn’t spotted Marrikka … but he had, and there was nothing anyone could do about it now.
By morning, with his eyes red and puffy from lack of sleep, his muscles tense and twitchy, his hair like a haystack from the constant tossing and turning on his pillow, Ray had decided what to do. He went to his stereo and took out the tape on which he’d recorded his interrogation of Marrikka Schumann. He’d been so upset about Bodie that he’d honestly forgotten to hand the thing over to Cowley. He had no intention of doing it now, or at least, not until he’d got his use out of it.
Ray wound back the tape and placed it in an envelope. He took a pen and some paper and scribbled a note:
Bodie,
I’m giving you this tape so you can hear for yourself that Marrikka wouldn’t have betrayed your trust. She loved you, just like you loved her. She died trying to help you.
As for me – I can’t make you forgive me. You ought to know that I wasn’t doing any more or less than my job. But I understand how you feel. I’d feel the same if Cowley made you spy on me. But it’s CI5, Bodie. We’re meant to be CI5 before we’re anything else. That forced me to do what I did and I’m sorry I had to. I hate the thought of hurting you. I hated every minute of this case. We’re meant to be partners – allies – and it made us enemies. I know Cowley was keeping me away from you on purpose because he knew I’d follow you into hell if you got the chance to ask me.
If I could live through that Saturday again I’d do so many things differently. I should have seen what was coming. I should have been thinking about you instead of my own good time. I should have sat you down and demanded to know everything, just like you’d have done with me. Better to be overprotective than detached. I am sorry, Bodie.
Ray.
Ray placed the note in the envelope, sealed everything up, stamped and addressed it, and took it out to post.
That was Monday. On Tuesday, an envelope clattered through Ray’s letterbox. For a horrible moment he thought it was his little parcel to Bodie, returned intact. But the writing on the envelope was Bodie’s, as was the writing on the note inside the envelope. The tape was different, too. Frowning in bewilderment, Ray held the tape in one hand, and unfolded the note with the other.
Ray,
I forgive you. But hell, we’ve fucked up our partnership enough over the past couple of days, why not go the whole way? Hence the tape. You interrogated my lover to discover she was true – now here’s me interrogating one of yours, discovering she wasn’t. It’s from the Preston case a few months back. I’ve never told you about this. I didn’t even realise Cowley had recorded it until a couple of weeks ago. I nicked the tape. It’s no one’s business but yours and mine.
In case you’re too dense, what this is telling you is that whatever romantic feelings I may once have had for Marrikka, I have far deeper feelings for someone else. You. That’s why even if you had betrayed me I’d still forgive you. You said you’d follow me into hell – that gave me hope. Apart from the obvious, I hope you wouldn’t follow me, Ray. I hope we’d stride in there shoulder to shoulder and face it all down together. I bet we’d win, too.
I’ve had enough of suffering in silence. I need either acceptance or rejection. Reject me, and maybe I can go back to just loving you as a friend.
Bodie.
Ray played the tape. He heard Bodie’s voice, telling Kathie Mason what he’d do to her and her husband … ‘if anything happens to Ray …’
Hurting more than he’d have cared to admit, Ray left Bodie alone with his grief that night. He lay awake, reliving the circumstances of the case: his own part in it, and Bodie’s. He knew it wasn’t his fault. But he kept seeing Bodie’s face in his head, the expression in his eyes as he’d tossed Ray the gun – the hurt and betrayal he so obviously felt. What made it even more horrible was the fact that they’d had the weekend off. Ray had been looking forward to it so much. If Bodie hadn’t spotted Marrikka … but he had, and there was nothing anyone could do about it now.
By morning, with his eyes red and puffy from lack of sleep, his muscles tense and twitchy, his hair like a haystack from the constant tossing and turning on his pillow, Ray had decided what to do. He went to his stereo and took out the tape on which he’d recorded his interrogation of Marrikka Schumann. He’d been so upset about Bodie that he’d honestly forgotten to hand the thing over to Cowley. He had no intention of doing it now, or at least, not until he’d got his use out of it.
Ray wound back the tape and placed it in an envelope. He took a pen and some paper and scribbled a note:
Bodie,
I’m giving you this tape so you can hear for yourself that Marrikka wouldn’t have betrayed your trust. She loved you, just like you loved her. She died trying to help you.
As for me – I can’t make you forgive me. You ought to know that I wasn’t doing any more or less than my job. But I understand how you feel. I’d feel the same if Cowley made you spy on me. But it’s CI5, Bodie. We’re meant to be CI5 before we’re anything else. That forced me to do what I did and I’m sorry I had to. I hate the thought of hurting you. I hated every minute of this case. We’re meant to be partners – allies – and it made us enemies. I know Cowley was keeping me away from you on purpose because he knew I’d follow you into hell if you got the chance to ask me.
If I could live through that Saturday again I’d do so many things differently. I should have seen what was coming. I should have been thinking about you instead of my own good time. I should have sat you down and demanded to know everything, just like you’d have done with me. Better to be overprotective than detached. I am sorry, Bodie.
Ray.
Ray placed the note in the envelope, sealed everything up, stamped and addressed it, and took it out to post.
That was Monday. On Tuesday, an envelope clattered through Ray’s letterbox. For a horrible moment he thought it was his little parcel to Bodie, returned intact. But the writing on the envelope was Bodie’s, as was the writing on the note inside the envelope. The tape was different, too. Frowning in bewilderment, Ray held the tape in one hand, and unfolded the note with the other.
Ray,
I forgive you. But hell, we’ve fucked up our partnership enough over the past couple of days, why not go the whole way? Hence the tape. You interrogated my lover to discover she was true – now here’s me interrogating one of yours, discovering she wasn’t. It’s from the Preston case a few months back. I’ve never told you about this. I didn’t even realise Cowley had recorded it until a couple of weeks ago. I nicked the tape. It’s no one’s business but yours and mine.
In case you’re too dense, what this is telling you is that whatever romantic feelings I may once have had for Marrikka, I have far deeper feelings for someone else. You. That’s why even if you had betrayed me I’d still forgive you. You said you’d follow me into hell – that gave me hope. Apart from the obvious, I hope you wouldn’t follow me, Ray. I hope we’d stride in there shoulder to shoulder and face it all down together. I bet we’d win, too.
I’ve had enough of suffering in silence. I need either acceptance or rejection. Reject me, and maybe I can go back to just loving you as a friend.
Bodie.
Ray played the tape. He heard Bodie’s voice, telling Kathie Mason what he’d do to her and her husband … ‘if anything happens to Ray …’
He heard the anger, the menace, but he also heard the veiled panic, and the love buried deep in his partner’s voice.
Ray shivered, and a lump sprang to his throat. He swallowed hard, coughed … and ran from his flat.
He ran to Bodie.
Ray shivered, and a lump sprang to his throat. He swallowed hard, coughed … and ran from his flat.
He ran to Bodie.
THE END.
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Date: 2011-09-24 01:32 pm (UTC)Voice in Maddalia's head: A lovin' spoonful?
Maddalia (in dubious Yorkshire accent): Now now. None o' that.